I Am Tired, Lord.

Often as women we reach the end of ourselves.  Energy is gone, emotionally and  physically, but that doesn't seem to make a difference in our demanding schedules. I am a Christian and I base my life on what I know and understand about God and His word.  It is that knowledge that keeps me going.  It can be easy to look at difficult times and think that the Lord doesn't hear us, doesn't care or He has forgotten us.

I can't remember a time in my life that someone in my family wasn't in crisis.  My family has had what could be considered more than it's share of illness and heartaches. I deal with a chronic condition that I consider "my normal."  My sister died at 3 years of age from Cystic Fibrosis,  my dad suddenly died at 56. My mom has had more surgeries than I can count. I have dealt with the heartbreak of infertility. My husband was unemployed for 9 months when our *children were young, our house sold and we had nowhere to go. At the same time my husband lost his job, I was diagnosed as  pre-cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. We have had trusted friends betray us and use us. For the past 13 years we have lived with a situation that we never would have imagined. Some of our friends that have shared our journey ask how we "cope." These things are just a few of the chapter headings in my story.

This week has been one filled with unexpected emergencies, heartache and demands on an already full schedule.  I shake my head  and think, "Okay, Lord. Here we go.  Let's do what we need to!"

Am I complaining? No. Am I wishing my life was different? No. I am a Christian and know there is a divine purpose for my life.

That being said, "coping" isn't the word for my life. "Blessed" is the word that comes to mind.  Why?

I think God must trust me a lot because of the circumstances He has allowed in my life. I feel trusted because I am placed in the position of "reflecting" Him to others.  That is my purpose in life as a Christian. Not to live an easy life, or a perfect life. I have incredible opportunities to demonstrate His character to others! It is a humbling responsibility!

Life experiences have shown me God's character in a way I never would have known if there were no trials. If I didn't have hard times, I wouldn't know His peace. If I didn't have pain, I wouldn't know His comfort.  If I didn't need forgiveness, I wouldn't know His mercy.  If my life was perfect, I wouldn't know Him because I would have no need for Him.

The Message is a popular paraphrase of the Bible.  I like its wording for the passage below.

I Corinthians 10:13  ^"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it."

He doesn't promise to remove us from difficult situations, but to help us through them. Life happens so there will be difficult times. So what happens when I am exhausted physically and emotionally?  I remember what He has done in the past.

I also remember the story in  Exodus 33:14 where the Lord told Moses, "My presence will go with you and I will give you rest." Moses had expressed concern when the Lord told him to lead his people into their new land. He didn't think he could do it.  The people were negative and doubting what they had been taught.

It is impossible to rest in circumstances.  They change constantly.  The Lord, however, is constant.  Just as Moses was able to trust God and rest in the assurance that he could do what was required in the presence of God, I find my rest in Him.  I realize that this is a fleeting moment in light of eternity and that I can rest in the assurance that He will be with me and give what I need at any given moment.

Am I tired?  Yes, but I am resting in Him.  With that rest comes His peace.  It is my hope that you know Him and will be able to rest in Him.

*We adopted two precious babies and after16 years of marriage I gave birth to a miracle baby.